Current Blogging Skillz Are Teh Suck…. (really?)

So, I do this whole MySpace business every once in awhile. I’m about as active there as I am here, so don’t be all jealous (really, boo, you’re my favorite fan). Anyway, due to the bulletin spammers (you don’t know unless you’re there…) I thought I’d post this HERE instead of there. That, and I need an update that doesn’t require much brain power for now. TOO MUCH INPUT. I’ve got a lot of interesting posts in my brain for storage. Let’s hope that all works out. Anyway.

This is a survey. It’s lame. I’m posting it here. Perhaps you’re already glancing at the ‘back’ button? Don’t worry. I’ll understand.

URBAN DICTIONARY
Rules: “Go to www. urbandictionary. com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write a definition it gives you.”

1. Name? WENDY

Definition:
1) Intellectually attractive woman.
2) Physically attractive woman.
3) Emotonally attractive woman.
4) Attractivve in all 3 major ways, yet not you are condemned to be ‘just friends’
Person a: Oh man, she’s perfect!
Person B: Oh yeah? So are you guys dating ow what?
Person A: Nah man, she’s a total Wendy….ya know?
Person B: suxx0rz 2 b u l4m3r!!!11

Oh, but there was also THIS:
- Most commonly reffering a lapse in memory
- used to describe idiotic comments or actions
- typically goes hand in hand with females

Awsesome!

2. Your age? 29

Definition:
Careful, now. This is MINDBLOWING—->(zomg I SEE IT!)
“29 is akin to, in the words of most, “Humping a Humpback whale”

The 2 from sideways looks like a whale’s hump and tail, hence the whale part, and the 9 is you. 29 resembles you humping a whale. It is a strange new thing that is catching on rapidly.
“I got number 29.” Grant said.
“Oh silly,” I said, “Don’t you know that means? It means you humped a humpback whale.”

3. One of your friends? Robert

Definition:
Robert, a man’s man with a very large penis who is an extremely generous lover.
“I mounted Robert last night… OMG he’s hung like a horse and fucks like a stallion”

WOOT WOOT! …
[*crickets*]

Also, there was this:
Is a very powerful name. Most CEO’s are named Robert, which in return they are usualy wealthy. Parents that name their child Robert expect them to be very succesful. It is usually seen as the first born son’s name. A good match for Roberts are females named Brittany Wendy or Nishelle Wendy. The names Robert and Brittany Wendy together tend to create an everlasting love that will never end.
“CEO of the multi-billion dollar corporation is named Robert and his wife is named BrittanyWendy.”

It’s true. I could have chosen Courtney, but you would have expected that!

4. What should you be doing? Knitting booties. (For Cristy! In blue.)

Definition:
The after effects of shagging without rubber.
When your girl starts knitting booties as she
sports a baby bump, you know you’ll HAVE to either
get hitched or pay child support.
I know I want a cute girl to be knitting booties,
but I need have cabbage to support her and her
kids… once we’re married.

#5 Favorite food: JIMMY JOHNS (Currently. Subject to change, ofc)

Definition:
A sweet ass sub shop with the most delicious french bread ever. Everything is fresh cut in the shop including all the meat and veggies and the bread is baked in the shop too.
Person 1:”Hey man what are you getting from Jimmy Johns.”
Person 2:I was like “Bitch, gimme a number 5 with peppers and maybe a pickle.”

Fuck the pickle. I’ll take the salt & vinegar chips, a mothaeffin COOKIE and the big-ass soda.

#6 Hometown: Minot

Definition:
A small, desolate hicktown in cental North Dakota. Full of hillbillies who love Nascar, drinking at sad lonely bars and populating the world with more hillbillies. Used to describe a sad, hopless state of mind.
Man my mom died, I ran over my cat and I’m broke - it’s like I’m in Minot.

It’s funny ’cause it’s true! … No, no. It isn’t [that] true!I don’t think any of those lonely bars are ever sad. Hard to breathe in? Perhaps. Hover on the potties? Always. Sad? I’ve had many unforgettable times in those lonely bars and was never even almost raised a hillbilly. Also, I’m going back there in two days. I’m so excited I can’t even stand it. Sad and hopeless it is not.

#7 Word to describe yourself? This is HARD! There are so many words and it’s hard to choose just one. Mother? Creative? Thoughtful, wife, witty, silly, intelligent, intuitive, short, hungry, desired, blessed, loved, sexy, missed, spontaneous, emotional, freckly, curious…etc.

Anyway, I needed to pick just ONE. I chose mother. I’m adding the definition that I laughed at because, naturally, “someone who gave birth to you” was the top one. This one, however, seemed far more like ME!

Definition:
Used to define something larger or better than anything else.
That was the mother of all goals.
I need the mother of all beers to quench my thirst on a hot day like this.

I need your input. What word would you have chosen for me?

#8 Car you drive: Ford Focus

Definition: (I swear this came straight from the site. I’m just editing the awful spelling errors)
A compact car built by the Ford Motor Company. Handles well, performs decently… don’t get me wrong, its a pretty good car… THAT’S UGLY AS FUCK, especially the hatchback version. Usually driven by good ol’ boys who can’t afford gas and maintenance for their muscle cars or pickup trucks, but will not buy an imported compact.

Some say lesbians drive Focuses as well(however they prefer Subaru station wagons more). I never got that memo.

#9 Last person you talked to on the phone? Husband

Definition:
Someone who has your back when you need it, but knows when to get the hell out of your way when he has to. Useful for fixing things, keeping you warm, and that fuzzy soft happy feeling that he usually creates.
My husband is a bad-ass. The toes of his right foot are painted sparkly red.
Okay. That quote was from me.

Also listed in the definitions: Superman to the right woman **swoooon**

IN OTHER NEWS
I am officially up way WAY beyond my bed time.
Aubrey learned to crawl about a week or so ago. Today she managed to crawl up to the 2nd step. How many gates do I need in this place?! Seriously.
Aubrey popped 2 teeth! Elliott has them coming in too! Hooray for teeth!
I’m still losing weight. This pleases me to no end.
Rob kicked ass in the weight-loss competition and took home a buncha money!
I achieved total motherhood when I purchased a pair of Crocs. So far, they’re my “outside at home” shoes…. they’re so comfy.
I’m getting a new NEPHEW!!!
My neighbors are getting it on RIGHT NOW.
(I just fell asleep for a second apparently).
Julia only wears diapers at night (yay!) and has also been fully in charge of making sure any second of potential silence is filled with the nonsensical noise-of-the-moment she chooses. There is no such thing as a quiet moment with this child. Her curiosity and desire to learn just amazes me and I really hope I am doing a good job of pointing her in the right directions.

More coming soon!

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night…

… and I was writing a blog. It wasn’t a fantastic blog by any means, but it was a blog and, dear reader(s), that was all that mattered.

Then!!! Something happened. I don’t know what it was? But my post was gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THEN!!! I used inappropriate punctuation. I ABUSED it, even. And I liked it! Also, I swore a whole bunch and wept for the digital, literary genius that was my lost beloved blog (I was just being modest before. It was really the shit).

Alas, it was too late for an update and I had already closed my laptop for the evening anyway.

To conclude, the current score:
Evil Computer: 1 You: 0

THE END.

DO MY CHILDREN NOT UNDERSTAND I’M GOING THROUGH AN EMOTIONAL/MENTAL CRISIS RIGHT NOW?!

I guess I’ve been in an ALL-CAPS mood lately. Sorry ’bout that.

But seriously. Really.

Update.

LIFE CONTINUES TO BE
SHORT AND HARD
LIKE A BODY-BUILDING ELF.

Thank you.

When the Husband is Away…

the Wife Stays Up Too Effing Late.

There was a time, oh… last summer or so. I was pregnant. I believe I was mid 2nd trimester. Cristy’s transmission went out and I drove towards the city after 10. Adventure! Anyway, we ended up pushing her big ol’ … was it a Blazer? I can’t remember, and it’s been gone what? 3 weeks? … ANYWAY … We pushed it backwards with our butts … that was hard work and I really thought I hurt my tail bone. All through my pregnancy it totally killed and after Aubrey was born, I feared I was doomed to the inflatable donut FOREVER. The damn thing STILL bothers me.

So, there’s sorta a story about my butt.

G’nyte everybody!

….pssst….

I visit this site multiple times a day just to hear that first song on my music player.

I do so love Barry Louis Polisar. I have so many happy childhood memories because of his music.

[amazing] me.

You know what? 29-year old me has been pretty impressive so far. Please excuse me while I take a moment to brag on myself. I’m tired of complaining about my crazy brain and my lazy body. I’ve done some good shit, ladies and gentlemen.

Also: This may seem silly to many, but I came to an interesting conclusion recently. I used to be convinced I hadn’t changed a bit since High School. I also thought that was a good thing. Like, *tee hee!* Nope!! Still happy-go-lucky, naive Wendy! Still *cute* and *silly* and whatever else anybody could have written in my yearbook. You know, beside the other 90% of signatures “Nice sitting by you. Have a great summer!” Even when things were at their crappiest in my days, I was still chipper old Wendy!

Bullhonkey!!!

I am SO glad I’m not that girl anymore. I’ve learned, and continue to learn, what being a responsible adult is all about. I’ve totally gained a sense of empathy that I’ve never had before. I also feel like I have accepted myself and my beliefs and basically I’m okay with who I grew up to be. Does that make sense? I know that along with getting older comes a greater feeling of WHO CARES and, believe me, my “whogivesafuck” use is WAAAAY up there lately. Ahhh…. it feels pretty nice.

Rob signed us up for the gym….AND I ACTUALLY GO! I do have a problem that needs to be addressed. My feet get numb and tingly!! My shoes aren’t too tight, though my feet have probably grown since having Aubrey (boo!). This isn’t exactly a NEW problem, but it’s definitely an uncomfortable one. Going to spend some $$ on new ones. Also, I thankfully discovered that work-out pants (even cute, cheap ones) keep my thighs from rubbing together!! Whereas in the past, my crotchal area was prone to fits of smoke and sparks if not properly lubricated beforehand, my pants simply swish-swish against each other in perfect harmony.

I’m also eating better. Way better. I still crave the naughty every day, but there is no naughty to be found in my house. Well, except for in the bedroom! *wink wink* (Only kidding, dad!)

[No, I'm not kidding, everybody else. The naughty HAS returned to the bedroom. Call me sometime, we'll talk.] (Still kidding, dad!)

WANNA KNOW SOMETHING BIG?!
I love Diet Coke. Oh, it is my vice-iest of vices. All that bubbly aspartame and acidic goodness cutting through the nasties in my throat. The most deliciously loud, albeit stinkiest smelling burps ever were created with Diet Coke. Well, that Diet Coke is no longer. It is a slooooooow process. Actually, my body was pretty angry at me. I got some very bad headaches and really, sometimes it’s all I can think about. Yumm….my next Diet Coke fix. We’re not 100% gone yet, but we’re 98% and …HOLY CRAP! That’s awesome! My skin already looks better and I am not kidding.

Somebody turned on my creative switch! I hope to put it to good use when I try to make my house pretty. It’s so awesome to be able to keep my eye out for things that might make a room happy! It’s like years of pent-up creativity is coming out of me and I don’t know what to do with it. I wish I could bottle it up!

My favorite smells/tastes are changing. It’s insane!

I’m doing good things for the environment. I’m doing small things at a time, but I am definitely putting far fewer harsh chemicals (if any) down the drain and we have started recycling. Also I’m using more natural products on myself and in my kids. It’s heard about so much these days like a trend, but really, I’m just trying to set a good example for Julia and Aubrey. They’re HOPEFULLY going to grow up in a world where recycling and conserving are second-nature. I don’t want them to look back and wonder why their parents didn’t make the effort to make their world a nicer place than it seems like it’s going to be — especially when it really is simple to do.

Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t just started doing all these things in a week. I know I tend to get all excited or on to something, only to quit down the road. My fear or inability to commit to things is just one of the things about me I have recently come to accept. We’ve really been doing most of these changes one at a time. Rob and I both have the same goals and that is what really drives us.

I have taken risks! I have tried new things! I have said YES!! when my first instinctual voice said EH….NO. I tried sushi! I flew alone on a plane with a 4 month old! I smoked weed! I have learned how to ask for help. I have come to terms with having PPD (or whatever we’ll call it). I had a baby! I rock out at Guitar Hero! I laugh with my family daily. I look forward to every second of time I get with my husband. I feel fulfilled because I have a wonderful, lovely life right now. I couldn’t ask for more. Sometimes I feel like I’m growing up before my eyes. Other times, when things in my brain aren’t exactly Skittles or rainbows, I could think of of a million places I’d rather be. I can think of a million people I’d rather be. The guilt of turning into someone so thoughtless really sucks the wind out of me sometimes, but I’ve got a wonderful support person who keeps me calm and comforted.

I feel like I’ve found myself again, for the most part. She likes work-out pants. She digs bold colors, specifically a particular blue color. She is severely pro-choice, 90% vegetarian and still addicted to cartoons.

Good old new Wendy*.

*New, minus the fact that I still can’t get to bed at a decent hour.

Survival.

Well, okay. Here I am. I’m back.

Normally I would have ended the last statement with a !, but today I’ll just sorta keep it low-key because I know that it could be a temporary thing. Next month I could find myself in the same situation again. Let’s keep our eyes on that one, shall we? However, moving insurance companies and trying to get them to cover your doctor is no fun. That’s where we’re at currently. Also, I’m doing much better, thank you. I know I’m not “cured,” I just know I’m over that particular episode.

Depression sucks.

I couldn’t have done it so quickly without my ever-forgiving and super-loving husband. Our current living/working situation is really working out to our advantage and spending so much time together has done nothing but bring us closer together. It’s also getting us a lot of Guitar Hero practice. Also much appreciated was the mail, goodies, warm emails and comforting conversations.

But yes, I’m feeling better and the fog that has surrounded the part of the brain that deals with emotions has lifted. It’s unfortunate that it seems to be hormonal, and as I’m checking my calendar I see that crazy could be just around the corner again. Pack a lunch.

I have realized in my absence that I apparently have some sort of blogging anxiety or something. When it comes to talking about my kids, the words flow pretty easily. Sometimes it’s too easy to hide behind their milestones and funny stories. I do want to seriously say that I am still struggling with emotional stability and my PPD, but I’m trying to find a new way to look at it. When I talk about “losing it” and having bad days, the response is always directed towards my medication. I’m on a pretty decent (I think?) anti-depressant, and maybe I just need to understand that it’s still going to be possible (and quite human!) to have a bad, overwhelming day. Isn’t it? It is hard to get to the point where my only thought is “shuddupshuddupshuddup!” and then a few days later everything is calm and serene. All tidbits to be discussed with my doctor.

Also on the negative end of things: After nearly 3 years of chomp-free fingernails (for the most part), it appears that I am chomping once again. Argh. I have ten stubs of JESUSCHRISTTHATHURTS! attached to my fingertips. Awesome! Sandy would be shaking her head and tsk tsk tsk’ing me if she saw.

We used to have a Berenstain Bears book about chewing on fingernails. Mother Bear’s solution was to put tape on Sister Bear’s fingernails to keep her from biting. …. Um? Mother Bear? I’d probably just take that shit right off. Same thing with nail polish (I’ve probably eaten a whole bottle of it over the years) and any of that yucky-tasting stuff. I loooove love having nice nails, I guess I’m just not relaxed enough to let them grow.

Really? Not relaxed?

However, on the positive spectrum of my life, we have made a nice change. Rob decided to spend the insane amounts of money required to have a gym membership. It’s really close by and provides 2 hours free daycare for members. He basically works from home all day (or most of it anyway) when he’s not gone, so we’re going to load up the family and go during slow/lunch time! He’s already embarked on the weight-loss journey and is eating great! We’re basically vegetarians these days, though it would probably easier to do that if I had a love of fruits and veggies. Bleh. But anyway, the gym is super nice and I always feel out of my element when I’m there, but hopefully I can stick with it. It’s a monthly membership type thing, which is a good thing considering my fear of the big “C” word (you know, cardio!).

Rob also gave me creative license (and a budget!) to re-decorate the living room and spruce up the place. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting OLD or what, but suddenly I love colors and patterns in ways that I never have before. I’ve never been able to appreciate embroidery or an eye-catching pattern. I was solid and primary, basically. I get so excited and my brain goes into overdrive every time I start planning what I want to do to our house that it will be a miracle if it gets done! :-) I should do before and after photos.

That’s about it as far as an update for me goes. I’m doing okay for now, and that is what is important. The last episode, or whatever we can call them, gave me an overwhelming need to shut everything out for awhile. I apologize if I have been hard to reach lately. I was too busy being batshit crazy. :-P I can laugh about it now.

I’m so sorry for the large post. Aubrey is napping and Diego is entertaining Julia, so I thought I had better use my time wisely, since I never get around to it during Julia’s nap. Speaking of my two favorite hellions….

LITTLE MISS GRATITUDE

I’ve been meaning to post about this for awhile now. Lately Julia has been interested in where specific items have come from or who they came from. Usually she’ll ask me about a stuffed animal or a favorite toy or outfit. It’s really kind of cute when she asks me. It could even be the smallest little thing. “Where did this come from, mommy?” I’ll tell her where or who it came from, and when it’s from me or Rob, she’ll yell:
“OH FANK YOU, FANK YOU MOMMY!” Sometimes, she’ll even yell a “fank you” to someone in a different state. If you have given Julia anything, you have probably been “fanked.”

I really believe that since turning three, Julia’s brain has rewired itself, or maybe the “Three Years Old” switch got hit and all the sudden connections in her brain are happening that have never happened before. Suddenly her synapses are just synapsing along, only this time they’re making sure to include attitude. More attitude than I thought her tiny three-year-old frame could carry. The really bad days are always met with the sweetest nice days, so it sort of evens out eventually. I guess.

We’re still dealing with Julia’s regression and her 3yr visit to the Doctor helped me understand what she needs. We need to encourage positive growth and changes and show her it rocks to be a big girl! Already with our efforts, she is awesome at staying dry in stores and on short car rides. The trip to Kansas City wasn’t exactly a success as far as that goes. Hooray for extra pants! She’s so big and smart and very cute. It’s the cute that gets me. :-) So, I’ve also stepped up about standing my ground, even on the little things. It has become very obvious to me that children are definitely not around or created to make things EASIER (I knew that already. Don’t be hatin’).

If you’d like a 6 hour trip to take 10 hours. If you’d like to give up shopping in stores with breakable things. If you enjoy sprawling plots of land filled with sand, plastic and screaming children. If you have a thing for frustration. If you like your voice better at higher decibels. If any or all of these situations apply to you, please procreate as soon as you can.

Julia is also getting used to dressing herself all the time, as opposed to every once in awhile when she felt like it. She is starting to “write” letters that actually look like letters, too! Kids are amazing the way they just sponge up everything. Lately, when she realizes she can do something she previously couldn’t, she’ll say “I learned!” Her vocabulary amazes me and also cracks me up. A suitcase is still a soupcase. Hotels are all o-tels. Work just recently stopped being gurk (which was our personal favorite). Also, lately she’s discovered she likes Subway and calls it Sugway. It’s nice to laugh everyday. She is the source of most of it.

SLAUBREY

It’s unfortunate to give your own child a nickname like Slaubrey (you know, slobbery), but that’s the newest nickname for the Burrito. Julia also likes to call her Aub, which is very funny to hear. Slaubrey Aubrey and Drulia Julia. We’re just trying to keep the Gaarder tradition alive with a goofy nickname.

Aubrey is getting so big SO FAST. She just cut 2 bottom teeth yesterday. I was SO surprised, and then I thought about it and I realized that it wasn’t that surprising at all. She was a pill in Kansas City and hasn’t been a big fan of napping lately either. TEETH! I can’t even believe it. I’m happy and I’m sad. I’ll miss that little toothless grin. She has also started to lift her tummy up and get on all fours. She’ll be crawling very, very soon. She has to peter herself out trying to crawl before she falls asleep.

My honey is doing well and really enjoying his new job. He is kicking ass! Also, like I mentioned earlier, he’s on a weight-loss challenge and I’m pretty impressed! Hopefully I can do the same thing. I need it. I’m tired of not being happy with what I see in the mirror.

I have links to add and pictures to upload (thinking of starting a flickr thing) so hopefully I won’t take so long getting back to this. Again, sorry for the long post. You can get back to your lives now. Both of you.

Heartbreak.

Okay, so I have this obsession with weather, right? Most people know that. It can get out of hand.

I also carry a deep, deep love for our local CBS affiliate WCCO’s weather guy. Paul Douglas has been my hero since we moved here. I even got to meet him. He was fantastic.

So, imagine my total shock and sadness when I read this:

PAUL DOUGLAS LEAVES WCCO

I read further on another site and found out it was because of “restructuring” at CBS so they let him go. It’s all money.

OoOooOoh I could cry! I keep waiting for it to be a late April Fool’s joke or something.

Frickin’ Adorable.

Oh my goodness gracious.

THESE are the cutest things EVER.

I’ve been drooling over the great stuff Pacifier has. I am so mad that I’ve loved this store for at least 2 years now, and have still yet to make it through their real doors downtown. I mean… look at THIS!!

I could go on and on.

I will restrain myself.